The Drag Queen in La Noches, a gay bar in Puerto Vallarta

It is pretty hot, humid and the whole beach town has been baking itself all day in the sunshine. I’d arrived at 4pm from a long 7hour coach trip. I’d quickly checked in my room in someone’s home via Airbnb, and then quickly showered and went out for dinner. As I stroll towards the beach my vest leaks huge amounts of sweat drops, it is almost essential to go into every shop, a bar, a restaurant for the relief of air conditioning. The town of Puerto Vallarta (signed quickly as PV) is well known for its gay community, lots of gay guys holiday here and Mexican gay men live here. As a gay man visiting for a few days its quite easy to feel you’ve arrived into Dorothy’s homeland!

I walk past a few gay bars that look half empty, then pass some strip clubs where some sexy latino guys are having a fag outside, probably counting their money too. I then come across La Noches, and there you are, on the main stage in this rather empty bar. You’re singing “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” (Whitney Houston). I pause for a bit, I’m pretty tired but then again its my holiday and I need to make an effort to socialise. I stay by the door entrance a bit, hum along a bit, and yes, as if in a trance the music has brought me inside (air conditioning was amazing). I order a rum n coke, “I wanna feel the HEAT…” talk about the irony!

You are dressed like Whitney, wearing this massive thick black wig, with a dress of many colours. You perform well, and you continue to the next song, “We Don’t Need Another Hero” by Tina Turner, and then “Rolling”… its brilliant to watch you and to privately sing along with too. I order another rum and coke. It is just eye catching, you dance away and gesture to some of the boys in the emerging crowd. Tips start coming your way, they want to see you move more. You willingly move forward the stage and climb down sexually. You then jump up on my small bar table, where there is a pole right in front of me, I hadn’t realised!! You start pole dancing, it is just hilarious. Although you are no spring chicken, its amazing what you can do on the pole. You spin round and round and round, you go up and down. You leave a pile of sweat on the table, and return to the stage for a round of applause. Almost instantly you remove your wig, it must be roasting!! You start to do a couple of Lady Gaga numbers.

At my table a group of gay men from Texas have arrived with a big fag hag, a lovely lass called Maxine. She is off her trolley, but I don’t care as it makes her friendly towards me. She even asks me to look after her handbag when she goes up to the stage to give a tip. As a solo traveller it can be hard in a bar on your own, especially when you’re deaf. Further, if you are “non-Mexican” the local boys think you’re soft candy and start approaching you which can be risky and off-putting.

I see you receive a lot more tips and the crowd starts asking you to do the pole dance again. I move away quickly. Up and down, round and round. So funny watching you! I am in admiration yes, but there’s something wrong about how you end your pole dance, with a slide down to the table. My dear, you’ve got a big behind, and landing on the table looked a bit painful!

Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” – oh my days, Maxine and I start singing along with you and doing the “Ohhh oh oh ohhhhhh…” lines, which looks like two enthusiastic Madonna fans. You start parading towards me and I start to kind of realise it, damn… you move your microphone right up to my mouth, for me to sing into… and you then also say something to me which makes the crowd laugh, but I haven’t a clue what you’ve said, Spanish or English as I’m deaf. I try and innocently nod my head along and Maxine comes to my rescue by stealing the microphone. I can’t remember the last time I thanked god for a fag hag!

The drag show ends and gets replaced by a few very sexy latino dancers on the poles, it was time to make my exit. I dived into bed with quite a grin on my face thinking about the whole show. Thanks La Noches, Buenos Noches!

Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco, Mexico

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